Friday, March 18, 2016

When Nothing Goes as Planned

The best piece of advice I got when I was pregnant came from my parents; "You'll never be fully prepared so don't worry." In my head I totally ignored them and believed that I was fully prepared because I had a plan. I also had tons of diapers, clothes, pacifiers, baby Johnson's wash, and the list goes on and on. I stocked up months beforehand and I can thank my couponing for not breaking my budget. Now looking back, I realize that God was probably laughing at me.


My beautiful baby boy, Jimmy, was born on December 19th, 2015; landing exactly on his due date. I told myself I would deliver naturally and the very last minute I got an epidural. Something I would later regret due to the fact that I could not walk right without collapsing for three weeks straight. It took me well over a month just for the feeling to return back to my knees. Doctor's couldn't explain what was wrong with me. They weren't sure if a nerve was hit during labor or if they hit it when they gave me the epidural. They weren't sure if I was going to regain feeling either but thankfully I did. All I know was never again will I ever consider an epidural. A few hours of pain is worth being able to walk right after delivery. I never felt so restrained. I wanted to be able to hold my baby and walk around without the fear of falling. Thankfully I had my wonderful husband who helped me up and down the steps of my apartment everyday. He did everything for me.

Things didn't stop there; I had planned to breastfeed my son. I thought it was going to be easy since my milk supply had come in way before Jimmy was born. However Jimmy had other plans. He refused my breast completely. Doctor's had to teach him how to suck since he was licking everything instead. I was so worried because he was losing way too much weight so I began squirting breast milk in his mouth. Then one of the nurses gave him formula because he said we wouldn't be released from the hospital if he lost any more weight. I cried everyday for month because I thought I had failed. We had to return to the hospital 3 times to make sure little Jimmy was gaining weight properly. I began supplementing and after a week of that Jimmy completely refused breast milk. Today he is completely formula feed and I am astonished on how many people react in disgusted ways when they hear this. No one knows how many times I tried to breastfeed and how often I contacted a lactation consult in a day except me. The fact that I chose an option for my son so he would be healthy and so many people have made snotty remarks about it annoys me. You are no better parent than I because you breastfeed. We're all equally great because we chose whats best for our children. 

Another thing i thought would not be a problem was the Johnson's and Johnson's products for babies. Jimmy's skin began breaking out in rashes so we switched soaps. His skin is so sensitive that his cradle cap comes back every single day. His doctor told me that i can no longer take it off with baby oil and a baby brush because he thinks that parts of his scalp may be coming off. I received snotty messages about that too.

These are just a couple of the 100 things I wasn't' prepared for. Thanks Mom and Dad; I should've listen.
But I've learned to ignore the remarks because as a mother I am not here to please you but to love and care for my child the best I can. I should never have to give anyone an explanation for that.    


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